Well here I am at VH1 writing a blog, and afer just ranting on the front page of my profile about what I just saw on "Sober House", Im still very upset with what happened. Ive been clean from drugs for a while now, and I know what it is like to live in a sober living house, and there is no way in hell that would have happened in the house that I lived in years ago. They would have kicked your ass out on the street, not caring if it was the dead of winter or a very hot summer night, and not caring if you had a place to store your things or not, you had to get out, and get out that night (some were given exceptions of their health, and were given 3 to 30 days to find a different place, but then there were some that were kicked out in 1 night) I eventually became house monitor of this sober living house, and like Jennifer, I did have many times where I was scared or upset because someone had come in the house after using, and wanted me to break the rules and not call whoever was on call that night. Well when I was given the chance to be house monitor, I promised the head treatment counsler that I wouldnt let no one get away with anything at all, and I showed them that I was a woman of my word, and that did help me out in several ways after saying that it was time to step aside, and try to live out on my own, away from the sober living house.

 I went back to check on some of the staff that I worked with while I was at the sober living house, and found out that the guy who was the one that gave me the chance to show these people what I had, had gone back to using himself, after getting a wonderful gift from God in the way of receiving a new liver, after his had totally shut down on him from all the drugs and drinking that he had done to himself. When I first met Tim, he was the head substance abuse counsler for this house, which was one of many in the city that I grew up in, and he did have a hard time with alot of things, and I do believe that the stress of everything is what made him do what he did, because stress will cause addicts to react differently, especially if your a dual diagnosis addict, like I am, where I was diagnosed as being an addict, but also having bipolar disorder, PTSD, and anxiety issues. I guess I shouldnt say that I am not an addict anymore, because once an addict, always an addict. That is so very true also, because when I was watching the rehab part of Dr. Drew's show, and watchng Shifty getting high on crack, it really made me jones for some, and I thank God that I still have the greatest support in the world, because I called her up, waking her up in the middle of the night, and telling her all about it. This woman has been thru alot with me, trying to keep me on the straight and narrow, and I have been thru alot with her also, because she is a single mom, and was trying to raise 3 children on her own, and one of her children is a special needs child, because he has Spina Bifida (dont know if I spelled that right). We have been there for each other thru thick n thin, and even now we will call each other, to talk, or we text each other to see how each other's day has gone.

 But now I am married to a wonderful man, and even though he is 18 years older than I am, and has come with a lot of medical issues, I never gave it one glance, because I knew that he was the one that I wanted to be with until the day that I die. He says that I am going to be changing his diapers in 10 years, and Im hoping that he lives that long for me to do that, because right now he has had some very serious health issues, and it has caused his kidneys to shut down again, and in turn that has made him go back to dialysis 3 times a week. It is hard having someone with the kind of medical issues that he has, because with him going to dialysis, and having it so late in the afternoon like we do, it makes it hard to do things on the days of dialysis, and the days he doesnt have dialysis, he doesnt want me to do housework or anything like that while he is awake, and I cannot wake him up when he is sleeping, because then he gets a lil crabby! Hey!? Dont we all?!?!?!

 Anyways, I think that I am going to end this, it is 4:30 here in Iowa right now, and I am starting to get a little fuzzy eyed! I think that it is time to go crawl into my nice warm bed, and snuggle with my hubby and our 3 cats!

~Peace n Happiness~

Jeanine